Uprooted

We all know what it's like to have someone uprooted from our lives. The pain, the confusion, the instability. Over the last year and a half, I've had several people uprooted from my life. Some of them due to their own actions and others, simply because people are busy beings (myself included).


I don't like it when it happens. Relationships I had hoped would forge lifelong friendships kinda vanish and fade into the distant corners of our  memories. Is it painful? You bet! It hurts like hell...especially for someone like me whose love language is Quality Time (yes that came a pretty large surprise to me though it does make sense). 


For me, pouring into relationships means everything. And even as I listened to a sermon earlier on relationships focused on singles called "Solo Mojo" (ROFL, gotta love Greg Boyd) I stood in agreement with Boyd on the fact that we as humans are not meant to live life alone. We are meant to live in relationship with others though those relationships will never completely fill us. They weren't designed to. We were designed to be completely filled by God.


Does that mean that our relationships with other humans can't be rewarding? Of course not! One point he made that surprised me a bit was how in the historical and cultural past,  friendly relationships inherently provided great intimacy though not erotic intimacy. It wasn't uncommon (and still isn't in some places) to find people highly affectionate without being sexual.


I've always longed for deep intimacy (as well as the other) with the men I've loved. I've even yearned for that intimacy within non romantic relationships. Sometimes I've found it. And it seems that lately, God is pulling people back from being too close to my heart. I don't fully understand that. I do think it means that He is going to guide me in a new direction and I am excited to see where that is and where it leads.


In the meantime, it's lonely but God is filling me. It is my prayer that God will fill my love tank so that it runs over and I can pour it out into others...even when it's not reciprocated. It is also my prayer that for those whom God has uprooted from my life, that they would also find great peace and comfort in the God who truly knows what is best for us. I love you and remember you fondly.


~Peace~

Good News/Bad News

Why should it surprise us that we should find good people doing good things in the world? I dunno. But I've been asking myself that question a few times recently as it's become a recurring theme (I don't believe coincidentally) that I keep seeing lately.


Last week when talking with my sister-in-law about a very generous gift that my brother and his family received from a member of their church, I uttered something to the effect of "You see, there still are good people left in the world!" to my sister-in-law. 


Yesterday when walking out of the grocery store, I was surprised to hear an elderly woman speak those same words to someone else. Someone who appeared to be a stranger to her. And I was reminded of my own conversation the week before. As I considered those words, it struck me that it shouldn't be such a surprise to see people doing good deeds in the world around us. 


Even as I type this blog entry, I'm reminded of several conversations recently that I've had with various friends regarding not being able to watch the news for all the negativity. Why does all the bad news get top spot? I watched a news program one day and out of at least half an hour there were 2 events that I could categorize as good and/or positive. One of them being the weather forecast for that day.


So why is it that we (speaking of myself here too) that we are inundated with stories of hatred, crime, futility? Why do we rarely focus on the things that are praiseworthy, lovely, of good report? Is it easier to think that the world around us is so bad that it's a rare occasion to see or hear of there "still being good people in the world?"


I consider my own thought patterns and realize that, yes it is. The truth is, there have been and always will be good people left in the world, even in the midst of all the turmoil and suffering. I for one, intend to remain focused (at least in theory) on the things that are worthy of proclaiming that are good. The things that are worth repeating and praising God for even as this Thanksgiving holiday approaches. And I do have much to be thankful for. Praise God!


~Linda~

Loneliness

You visit me like an insatiable lover with fervent hunger.

I, in turn, receive you with eager anticipation.

You ravish me so thoroughly so that I may think of no other.

Our rhythmic motions hold my body captive to yours in passionate unison....

until the cacophony of my mind is once more reminded of your bitter and deceptive face.

You're not welcome to enter into my bedchamber. I see you, for who you are. 

Tears

Cold, wet, trickling; flowing like the rivers' edge.

Warm, salty, harsh; flooding the cheeks of a battered face.

Joyful, sweet, powerful; bringing healing to a broken heart.

Each birthing a burden of necessary affliction which springs forth hope that good will come from evil.

Bittersweet, tears. In which there is life!

Waves of Tumult

As he navigated through the waters I watched and noted the turbulent waves and ripples that were violently left in his wake. He was careless and self absorbed, unaware. Not once, but twice. I imagined he perceived himself powerful and attractive burrowing through the calm...and then, he was gone.

Soon another came with less forcefulness yet they too caused waves and ripples that notably affected their surroundings. They  demanded attention by their very presence. As they departed the waves spread a great distance until the calm resumed.

After the waves settled, "they" coasted through with a sense of respect and peace. They left ripples, hardly discernible though serene. And then they too, were gone. For a while. They reappeared in time after others had left their mark in the waters.

In solitude I wondered what I could learn from their travels. And I realized that each were like lovers moving through hearts. Stirring up waves of emotion, upheaval, wrecklessness, calm, peace and tranquility...encountering and affecting all in their wake like the storms that rip through and devastate our lives until they pass. And then I revisited my own heart and searched for the turbulence, violence, ripples and waves they've left on my heart and soul. Indeed they are there. Some more profound, some less remarkable. But they were there whether under the surface or highly visible.  They were there.

I ponder in my heart, the strong yearning that I have always had for a calm and secure lover. A lover that leaves ripples that soothe me, comfort me and assure me. One that speaks with his heart, touches me tenderly with his hands and looks at me lovingly with affection in his eyes. Will I ever know him? Alas, I do not know! But what I do know is that I can live in the calm that comes after the tumult. This I've been doing a long time. I'm weary but have hope that like the last traveler, love will follow the turmoil and come back around to find me. Perhaps...

~Linda~

Seasons of Change

Been studying various aspects of theology lately. Experiencing some information overload. LOL! Picking up and reacquainting myself with and re-examining some of the puzzle pieces. It's interesting to try to place them and see where they may fit. Going through some growing pains as well so it's been an interesting season lately.  Not sure there is anything much more to say about it. I could elaborate on some of the specifics but I have nothing profound to say so...I will wait until I do (or at least till I think I do. Heh!)

At Arm's Length

Since about a week after my surgery, I have kinda kept God at arm's length. I wept in repentance the other night as I poured out my heart to Him. And I just started seeing my counselor again so I was able to discuss it with her and gain some insight as to why.

Much of our meeting was simply being transparent and honest with myself about my feelings and emotions as well as my discontentment (strong word I know!) with my circumstances and ultimately with God which have left me feeling numb lately. 

Something she said, resonated deep within me and so I'll share it here in my blog.

Basically she said, whenever we're feeling discontent or restless in life and we try to fill that with other "things" that simply don't satisfy, it's because we all have a deep yearning that can only be filled by God. And when we go to Him instead of other things He will fill us. She said that discontentment is meant to drive us to God (something I have not allowed in my life the last few months) so that we can be filled. Then once He fills us we will eventually at some point and time begin to feel discontent again...that our discomfort is God's way of not allowing us to be too comfortable in our lives...because then we forget Him. So we go through these cycles of contentment, discontent then contentment once again so that we grow as people of God.

For me it was a lightbulb moment...and something I desperately needed to hear as I have attempted to fill that longing with other things....even reading scripture (which normally is the right thing to do), chatting in Christian chat rooms, watching tv..or even in looking for intimacy in my friendships (not that it is wrong normally). What I needed was more God. I knew it then but was unwilling to seek Him because it would mean allowing myself to feel the emotions I didn't want to feel....fear, anger, etc. Interestingly enough, that is exactly what service was about on Sunday. That if we want the promises of God, we have to be willing to let go of the fear of the unknown and fight to get to the promised land.

One last thing ...at East campus, the leaders for the middle and high school ministries taught the message (they were amazing!) and Dave Kubiak (sp?) said this which I found very convicting (in God's ever gentle ways!)....

"Even though God makes our path straight, we still have to walk it!"

I know I didn't quote him perfectly but that is the gist of it. And he used the example (Numbers 13) of the Israelites when they got to the Jordon river and could see the promised land and were eager and excited "but" when they seen the giants there, they wanted to turn back to the bondage of Egypt because it was easier than facing the unknown.

It really was a fantastic sermon and one I hope not to soon forget. It deeply impacted me Sunday and I'm still pondering it today. We have wonderful men and women of God who teach with an uncanny ability to speak into our hearts the very things we need to hear. Praise God!

Got a lot on my mind....uncertain of whether I will share or not. Thinking..... LOL!

My Personal Testimony of God's Greatness Pt. 4

April 4, 2011

Myself and my brother Don were distraught when Rick passed...it wasn't expected and it was very sudden. Knowing God and our hope has given me a great deal of comfort though it still hurt tremendously. Don on the other hand, hadn't been to church in over 20 years, had lots of skepticism about the existence of God and perhaps even some anger over Rick's sudden death. He's been content living without God for a very long time. He too has a great deal of brokenness in his family.  

Within a day or two of Rick's passing, Don began questioning God. Asking why and what happened to Rick after he died. What is the purpose of life? etc. He desperately wanted to know that Rick wasn't suffering in the torment he remembers being taught about. He wasn't as close to Rick (a huge regret to him now) as he could have been since Rick came home. And so he didn't really know if Rick believed in God or where Rick stood on issues of faith. Which of course compounded Don's concerns.  

During this time of questioning God, Don relates of an experience he had (I won't go into the details) where he was told very clearly and specifically that Rick was ok. It brought him great comfort and has given his heart peace.  Two years ago, while sitting in church, my pastor asked us to prayerfully take a moment to seek God on who He would like us to invite to church for the upcoming Easter service. I did. And as I was praying, God brought my brother Don to mind and I knew that I was supposed to invite him. I knew he wouldn't accept the invite and I wondered why God made it clear that I was to ask him? I didn't question Him though (I've seen too much LOL) and I invited Don to join us at the Easter service. Indeed he declined saying that church just wasn't for him.  

Throughout the last couple of years, I have on occasion, invited Don as well as other friends, family members, etc. and sometimes some of them accepted my invite and some didn't. Each time however, Don was quick to change the subject or to dismiss the invite. I didn't pressure him, I merely asked and allowed him to make his own decisions.  The day of Rick's burial, Rick's daughter and her husband (the one who had come to visit back in the summer also came to the funeral), and some of us gathered here at my home to comfort one another. That night, I was inspired to give Don a dvd which was recently made by my church titled "Can This Be Church?" He reluctantly took the dvd. I wasn't even sure he would watch it. But....he did.  

Don has been attending church service with me ever since...for the first time in decades. His daughter attends when she can. He son has come the last two weeks. Don's kids were involved some years ago in their mom's denomination/church but for whatever reason were not consistent or too involved. God has been and continues to pull Don and his children closer to Him and I'm amazed to see the changes that are already taking place in him!  Rick's children are now all in contact with us in various ways. His oldest son, came down and spent time with us all during the few days after Rick's death. He also was here for the funeral with his wife. His two daughters (one we have not met yet, nor have I spoken to her on the phone as she is still very bitter) have access to and have had some contact with all of Rick's family. Both of them are pregnant (Rick knew this before he passed and was so excited to be a grandfather!) and due in a few months. 

Rick may not have had the opportunity to be in his children's lives, but God has made sure that the rest of us have opportunities...and I pray that we don't squander them.  I shared my vision with my family at the funeral home. They may have thought I was nuts but I know some of them also see the greatness of God, to bring about reconciliation and healing where we as humans, cannot.

My Personal Testimony of God's Greatness Pt 3

April 3, 2011

A little background on my family history growing up.....     

My mom though a believer, was not a very religious woman nor did she teach us anything about God unless it pertained to His wrath against us when we misbehaved. It was what she was taught and it was how she viewed God so I understand it today. Not surprisingly we rarely ever went to church when I was a little girl. Major holidays until I was about 9 or so, I'd say. Then nothing. So it shouldn't come as a shock to know that I didn't come to know God when I was young. I have 3 brothers who I cannot say if they themselves came to know God back then or not. I simply don't know.  

Fast forward a bit till a year ago almost to the day. My oldest brother Rick who had lived a troubled life (not so much that he got into trouble but he was troubled, even tortured by injustices and sufferings) came to Michigan, homeless, desiring to be nearer to his family. A desire I shared greatly. I was very close with him and loved him very much! Of all my siblings, I was always the closest with him. He stayed with me for a few weeks and then went into a rotating homeless shelter during which time, I did everything I possibly could to help him. He suffered from Hepatitis C and had for a very long time. He was a drinker but had previously lived in a nursing home in Kentucky because he was homeless there as well (long story!). I helped him seek medical attention that he, for whatever reason, could not get in Kentucky. 

I helped him sign up for Medicaid, transfer his Social Security Disability, took him to the hospital when he was sick, search for an apartment and in about a month of being in the shelter, God provided him with a one bedroom, low income apartment a few blocks away from me. He knew that God had provided and he was thankful. And I knew that God was beginning to heal and bring my family closer as He had promised.

Rick had never met his father...ever. He finally found him 10 years ago and contacted him and his father denied him. Following in his own father's footsteps, Rick had several children from different marriages/relationships that he had had over the years and was estranged from all of his 4 children but 1. And that was a very shaky relationship. It wasn't necessarily Rick that caused the relationships to be severed...one of his ex's left the state they were living in with his daughters 14 years ago and Rick never knew where they went. He fell out of contact with his ex wife when he was in the service and they divorced and she remarried and had his son adopted so there was no contact. 

A little over 2 years ago now, Rick's son found his brother through a social network site and they were reunited through virtual communication. God used me as a mediator between the two as his son had a lot of confusion and some anger he needed to work through (understandably). A year ago, Rick's father was able to contact us through the tireless efforts of his nephew who also used the same social network site to search for Rick. Rick experienced a great deal of anger and bitterness toward his father for the decades of denial. Over that last year God privileged me with the honor of being a mediator between the two and a relationship, though terribly broken, did ensue. 

This past summer we found one of Rick's daughters once again through the internet site (she had JUST created a profile) and communication began between Rick and his daughters. One was extremely bitter, the other angry but open to learning more about why they were estranged. She came to Michigan and spent a few days with us getting to know her father after 14 years. He was SO happy to see her! We all were. Rick passed from death to life November 17, 2010. But not before God began to heal Rick's own broken heart and the hearts of his father and children. Rick's father passed from death to life a week ago yesterday. I believe they are finally, fully and completely healed and whole. 

I stand in awe of the wondrous ways in which God has been fulfilling the vision He gave me.

Sorry

I haven't blogged any updates in a while as I have been having some serious issues happening in real life. Back in April I managed to detach my Achilles Tendon from the bone while walking and I had to have surgery. At the moment, I'm healing very well but it's been a very humbling experience. I've had to rely on others for pretty much everything and for anyone who knows me, knows how difficult that is for me. But God provides for all my needs and I'm making it. I will have to have surgery on my other foot whenever my right foot heals. So for you praying folks, your prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

And now I'll post another update about the greatness of God in another blog entry.

Linda

My Personal Testimony of God's Greatness Pt 2

Originally posted April 3, 2011:

And a current update...

While my relationship with my daughter is still not as close as I would like it to be it has undergone some vast improvements. About a week ago she invited me to go with her to a local flea market with her, the kids and my son...just to hang out. That has never happened!

So today we went and her and my grandkids got their picture taken with a tiger cub. I want to share the pic so those of you reading can see but unfortunately, I don't know how (if anyone reading does, please let me know!) We had a great time despite the freezing rain/hail storm outside

We've had our ups and downs over the years but we have become a great deal closer than we used to be. She is an extremely private person (extremely doesn't even really do it justice) so opening up to me is itself a wonderful example of what God is doing in her heart. And I'm excited still to see where He leads her/us.

I have other updates also of things God is doing in my family which I will be sharing too. God has been good to us, despite our dysfunction our brokenness, our failures, our imperfections and our sins. Oh how He loves us!

My Personal Testimony of God's Greatness Pt 1

This was originally posted on January 7, 2008:

At the risk of losing any credibility I may have here on TWeb, I've decided to share a very recent, real and personal experience that has given me greater insight into the mind of God. One that has definitely challenged my beliefs, dashed my skepticism and has enhanced the relational aspect of my journey beyond what I could have imagined. I do so, not to debate or argue the validity of my experience but to encourage others in their faith. I don't mean to be too lengthy but I also don't want to leave any pertinent details out.

A little background info is necessary to set up the scenario. I am a single mother who has in my past, been in some very abusive (both physically and mentally) relationships. Unfortunately in my immaturity, my kids suffered because of my very unhealthy decisions. As I matured as a woman, I finally left those kinds of relationships behind me and healed. Much to my shame, my kids were exposed to and built ideas about relationships from mine.

Two of my daughters are adults and have lives of their own. My oldest, much to my dismay (as these things often go) has followed in my footsteps by choosing to be in an abusive relationship herself. This past spring, she came to me in desperate need of help. I did everything in my power to help her get out of the situation she was in.

A week later, she chose to go back to him. It put a tremendous strain on our relationship because she (and he) knew exactly how I felt about her going back. She continued (she had been headed down this path all along) on isolating herself from myself and everyone else that loves her. Eventually she got very upset at me over a perceived offense that I could not convince her was not meant to be. Eventually in the summer months, she cut off all contact with me and during our last conversation, she told me that she didn't know if she would ever be able to forgive me. The last thing I said to her was "I love you. Whenever you are ready to have a relationship with me again, I'll be here with open arms."

We live very close in vicinity to one another. And for months she would not contact me and despite my fear for her and the hurt I felt because of her rejection, I respected her wishes and didn't contact her. I trusted God would restore us someday and I would rejoice when that day came.

I started attending a new church in Sept. of '07. I learned that Pastor Greg Boyd was going to be coming to preach at this church in Oct. Now, I've read several of his books and never would have imagined I would ever actually get to meet him. To say that I was jumping out of my skin when I read that in the bulletin would not be far from the truth.

I went to the Wed. night service and it was nice. I didn't have the opportunity to meet him as it was a packed house and the people I went with didn't stay long after the service ended. I found he was having a workshop the following morning titled, "Imaginative Prayer." I was excited to go but had no clue what to expect as prayer is not something I've really heard taught much about in the churches I've attended. Sure, they each taught prayer was important for various reasons but other than that, it was never really addressed.

Having read and heard (online) Pastor Boyd in the past, I expected that he would have much deeper thoughts on prayer than I was used to hearing and I was eager to hear them. So I went to the breakfast/workshop the following morning. As I listened to him teach on this subject, I was being fed spiritually and I was appreciative of all that he was sharing on the subject. At one point he asked each of us, right where we were, to take about 15 minutes or so to imagine God with all of our senses. Which was the point of the workshop.

Now, I was not familiar with this technique of prayer and I was quite skeptical because I had never had any "spiritual experiences" that I could think of that, if dissected, would hold up as concrete proof (even in my own mind) that I experienced God. I mean, I think if we're all honest, many of us can relate to that.

Nevertheless, being the skeptic that I am, I simply began praising and thanking God for all the many ways He had been blessing me throughout the year, despite the hardships and sorrows. I began listing those things specifically and all of a sudden, God interrupted my prayer. I know this may sound silly to some, but I believe I had a moment where God literally had something to say to me and made sure I knew it. He gave me a vision. I believe, a very personal, prophetic, and intimate vision of what He intended to do in my life and the life of my daughter and my loved ones. I'm probably not likely going to share the specifics of my vision but He spoke to me and I was left weeping at the magnitude of His love, mercy and compassion. I was filled with hope. (I'm choked up as I write this even still).

Ten days later, not exactly intentionally, I was confronted again with her rejection, bitterness and unforgiveness toward me. I was crushed because I finally realized by the look in her eyes and other signs, just how deep those emotions went. Out of fear of hurt and the pain of rejection, I sorta renewed my conviction to allow her whatever space she needed and to not push the issue.

Somewhere during all of this, I had another spiritual experience with God through a practice (for lack of a better term) that my church was doing titled, "The Kingdom Prayer Experience." I won't go into the specifics (at least openly) of what happened during that meeting with God but one thing I will share. At the end of the thing, we were prompted to pray and seek God to know specifically, who He wants us to pour out His love on and be a light in the darkness to. Not that we aren't to love all people at all times but sometimes He will have us focus on specific individuals for whatever reason.

As I quietly sat and prayed about that, He put into my heart that He wanted me to love my daughter and be a light of His love to her. He reminded me of my vision and gave me greater insight into what some (very symbolic) events in my vision meant. And as I sat there a bit confused as to how to go about this, reflecting on her recent blatant rejection of me, He spoke to my heart and reminded me that He knows the pain of rejection far greater than I ever possibly could. And He knows the pain of seeing someone hurt your child and not interfering. The risk of rejection is great when we determine to love. And the pain that follows when we are rejected, He knows firsthand. But love does prevail. As you can imagine, I was humbled greatly through this reminder. And once again I left with hope renewed, although I had no clue how He and I were going to accomplish it, but knowing that we were certainly going to try. That was sometime in November.

My second oldest daughter came home from college for Thanksgiving. It's the first holiday she has spent with us in 6 years. While she was here she left a message for her older sister letting her know she was in town and would like to see her if possible. Thanksgiving day, the door rang and much to my shock, it was my oldest daughter. She was very distant to me still but I would have never imagined that less than a month after my vision and a couple of weeks at most from our unexpected meeting, she would be in my home being vulnerable to all of our care and love for her.

I didn't push anything and I allowed her her space. I was extremely happy at how God was working in ways where I had tried and failed. I have watched and witnessed God use others to break down her barriers and soften her heart and is beginning to heal her, and us. Just as He showed me in my vision.

No, she hasn't left him yet, nor do I think she is ready yet. But I know she is growing more and more discontent (just as I did in my unhealthy relationships) and I do believe that God will do as He showed me, He will heal her and completely restore our relationship. I am eager, excited and blown away at God's hand in all of this. My faith has been renewed in ways that my intellect couldn't fathom.

I learned that God can speak to us through visions and experiences just as He can through scripture and universal truths. I learned that He cares about the things that matter to me and He loves those that I love with a love that my love cannot rival. He's concerned about those that are hurting and oppressed and desires to free them, if they will come to Him.

Any and all prayers for my daughter are welcome. Her name is Dannielle. She may not know just how important prayer is in her path but I do. And I know that sometimes we need not only to ask for what we want, but to listen to the voice of God. We also have to be willing to be obedient to the answers we get and make some personal sacrifices to give love a fighting chance. (Yes, I know that is taken from a song but I love the line )

For what it's worth, I won't debate my personal experience here nor anywhere else. If you don't think God works to give us personal revelation today, then there is nothing I can do to change your mind. Nor is it my desire to. I'm content knowing what has proven true in my life and trusting the God experiences I've had.

May God manifest Himself in real and tangible ways in each of our lives as we seek to have that personal relationship where we thirst for, submit to and obey the God who is Love. And may He be glorified through our testimonies of His greatness.

My Next Several Blog Entries...

Will be lengthy, purposed and detailed. The reason for this being that I will be sharing some very personal entries of my testimony of God's greatness in my life. Following that, I will be sharing an ongoing dialogue that I'm having with an acquaintance online as we examine the first couple of chapters of the book of Romans. Both the testimony and the dialogue can also be found at www.theologyweb.com

~The Attimeister!~

Love's Sweet Seduction

Like the wind Your Spirit flows upon me with Your seductive touch.

Caressing my soul, leaving me breathless. Wanting more.

You whisper my name with captivating melody that leaves my senses awhirl!

I melt when I hear the sound of Your voice fall upon my ears.

You gently guide my hands and feet to explore Your hidden treasures. 

I anticipate Your glory with breathtaking excitement!

My heart races as I ponder Your love and the sweet pleasures You've introduced me to. 

I hunger and yearn for You.

When I encounter You, my senses are overwhelmed with the savor of Your sweet seduction.

And each time, I gasp in delight as I fully surrender to the passion You invoke in me. I simply be, Yours.

Rationalizing Ungodliness

"As you were sharing, I was sitting here thinking about the last supper. Jesus knew who was going to betray him yet he still sat and ate with him, had an intimate relationship with him and loved him. Not only that but Jesus loved those that denied him, lied to him, and eventually abandoned him, knowing full well that they would do those things. And he can teach you how to love like that also!"

 These words that my counselor uttered today resonated deeply within me as I sat weeping. Hoping, believing and trusting that it is possible for him to teach me...

I've read the gospels hundreds of times and gleaned a great deal of insight from them. But for whatever reason, I have always somehow managed to disassociate the truth of my counselor's statements with the life of Jesus. I mean, it's easy to consider him doing these things when he was the son of God, right? Doesn't that somehow distract from the impact and the practical implications of these stories? Well, unfortunately it has for me. I don't think intentionally....but it has nonetheless.

The cognitive dissonance I have experienced in relation to this issue, I think, fully came to light today as we sat and examined my own lack of love and intimacy with people who have harmed me in my past. I still harbor resentment, anger and yes, even hatred.

I've rationalized ungodliness with anger, aloofness, judgmentalism (and many other adjectives I could list), because it's a lot easier to ( fill in the blank) than it is to live like Christ. Of course loving in the face of injustice is contrary to our natural inclinations. Who in their right mind would subject themselves to injustice and love and have intimacy with someone who hurt them?

Jesus. Jesus Christ. As I sit here writing this, I consider all the thoughts and the emotions that stir up inside of me when I think of some of his last words, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do!" I well up with tears when I think of that kind of scandalous love. And I'm inspired by it. Truly!

I suppose what I haven't considered is just what it would take to get to the place where those words could be wholeheartedly delivered. That's too hard to think about. It's easier I suppose, to love someone who doesn't realize they are hurting you. But what if they do? Didn't Judas? Peter? The religious leaders of Jesus' day  I bet, would not have been in his fave 5. However, weren't the 12? His closest most intimate relationships, even his family, must have broken his heart. On more than one occasion I'm sure. And yet Jesus chose to remain unmoved and undeterred in loving them despite themselves.

I want to love like Jesus. Today I asked God to help me choose to love and not run from those that abandon me, mock me and hurt me. I will have to rely on Him heavily in every moment where I'm tempted to do what comes naturally. I will need to surrender, in order to love. It's scary. It's difficult. But with God, all things are possible.

~the atti2dchic~

Stunning!

Thank you. You know who you are. :)

Eyes Wide Shut

"One of the ways satan deceives us is when we are doing all the wrong things, for all the right reasons." ~Chris Zarbaugh

I've been contemplating something I've wanted to write about for about a week now. Today my pastor, when teaching on the topic of "the devil" or satan, said some things that were in line with what's been on my mind so it's time to put it down on "paper." ;)

The weather outside was not so grand. It was cold, wet, slippery, overcast...and traffic wasn't being nice to me. It seems due to a manufacturing glitch on my model of car, I have to drive even more carefully in wet weather because my breaks lock up and I slide without stopping. (Had an accident once because of it).

So, I'm driving down the street in inclement weather, heavy traffic and I live near Detroit where if you don't drive defensively, you won't survive. I'm driving very cautiously because of the weather, the traffic and the atmosphere when I notice the traffic ahead and to the left of me is coming to a quick halt. Looking to the shoulder on the right, I see the MDOT bus stopped, either to load or unload it's cargo (hehe).

Traffic in the opposite direction was not stopped nor was there a traffic light ahead. There was a greater distance in front of me than in the lane to the left and I proceeded to slow down so that I could come to a stop if the traffic didn't start moving. All of a sudden from the middle of the left lane a few yards ahead, a woman appeared who apparently was trying to get to the MDOT bus before it leaves. Understandable.

I realized in this moment that the traffic had come to a stop because of her. Considering my circumstances, I continued to slow down while trying to make sure I didn't slide into traffic to my left or the bus to my right. And while there was some distance between the woman and I, it wasn't a great deal.

She realized I was not stopped yet she continued fearlessly to step out into my lane and even had the audacity to give me a dirty look and share a few words (which I couldn't hear) to express her dissatisfaction with me as if the world should stop because she was crossing the street.

I managed to stop without hitting her and even expressed some anger myself though she had already crossed. I was angry and shaken. She could have gotten hit. She could have caused an accident. Tons of people could have gotten hurt. And that began the thinking process of relating real life circumstances with spiritual principles.

I recognize this pattern regarding sin, danger and the lack of fear in my own life and even in the lives of others. Oftentimes we step out in harm's way, not even realizing the potential life threatening scenarios we are entering into or creating. Or we may see the potential risks and decide to step out anyway. Frequently we step boldly into circumstances that will harm us and dare others to try to prevent us.

As I examine myself, I notice areas where my eyes have been wide shut. Areas where I have stepped into danger, thinking I was doing the right thing but realized later that I was doing the wrong thing, for the right reasons. Like the woman crossing the street who would risk dodging moving traffic to get onto a bus that was going to take her to her destination, I too have taken foolish risks to do something I find important though wrong (didn't know it at the time), for the right reasons. Perhaps she was going to work so she could provide for her family. Maybe home from work to take care of little children. Maybe to pay her bills. The possibilities are endless to consider.

The incident shook me. The quote I shared, hit me hard today. I'm thankful for having the last week to contemplate what taking foolish risks look like so that I can glean spiritual truths. My eyes are not always wide open, but for a moment in time... today... they are. And I pray that I remain cautious, ever aware of impending danger so that I don't harm myself or anyone else by my choices.

~Linda~