The Meaninglessness of Life

Sitting there watching as the fish swam about in their world, unaware of my presence and observing eye, I began to think deeply about the life of fish.

They were all busy doing what fish do. Some were chasing each other playfully. Some were picking at each other. Others were hiding in the dark crevices of their environment. Perhaps they too were observing. Perhaps.

Then my mind drifted back to a place and time about a week or so ago. I had gone to the store with my daughter who needed to get some things and I sat in the car while she went in. I don't much listen to music anymore so I was just sitting there by myself entertaining my own thoughts.

I watched the people coming and going in and out of the store. I am certain that most of them were unaware of my presence as I sat and searched their faces for traces of individuality and commonality. I'm not sure what I was looking for, really or how I'd find it. Maybe to see a glimpse of their stories written on their faces.

Some of them were smiling. Some frowning. I watched as people passed each other without speaking. One woman had a wonderful conversation with her little boy about what they were going to read together. Brought a huge smile to my face as that is something I thoroughly enjoy doing with my son.

I think it was because it was fairly warm out that day that so many people were out and about "doing life." And as I sat there, once again I asked myself (as I've often done in the past), what is the purpose of this? I began to feel sad while considering all the different levels of pain, suffering and brokenness ....that each individual surely experienced throughout their lives. It all seems so meaningless at times. Like whatever purpose there is for this world, it just seems hopeless. And in my mind I heard it clearly....and wept.

Ecclesiastes 1:13-14 And I applied my heart to seek and to search out by wisdom all that is done under heaven. It is an unhappy business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind.

And after feeling a very heavy burden for the striving after wind that we as humans do, I was filled with hope and peace knowing that despite how it seems on the outside, each one of us were created in the image of God and that there is a purpose to life that isn't vanity. That isn't hopeless. That isn't meaningless. I began to see that each face that passed had stories to tell of joy and happiness, laughter and love...beauty that we also are meant to experience.

And then I thought about my own life...how I too have stories of sorrow, sadness, brokenness and hopelessness. Stories of joy and love and playfulness that I have been blessed to enjoy. And I realized that while I am not impervious to sorrow in this life....I'm also not impervious to joy.

I sometimes see the world through "suffering colored glasses" and I wish I didn't. God gave me a heart to feel moved by suffering and I am sometimes overwhelmed and I am filled with similar thoughts as those of the author of Ecclesiastes. I believe though, that He did so that I might be moved with compassion.

Fish scurry. People scurry. Some hide in dark crevices for reasons I don't understand. Some chase each other playfully enjoying moments of fun. Some pick at each other because their personalities clash.

Atheists have often suggested that a life lived in faith in things not seen, is meaningless. I beg to differ. For me a life lived without God is just existing...doing what humans do. But a life lived with God, and all that it entails...IS living!

Romans 6:17-18

Romans 6:17-18 But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. ~ESV

While I cannot claim with any certainty that I understand fully what this passage and/or any other scriptures truly mean....I can say that I have better clarity on this today than I have ever in the past.

I am very thankful to God who has delivered me from all sorts of sin, brokenness and suffering and has given me a new heart which desires to be obedient to his perfect teachings and principles about loving Him and loving others...which frees me to be a slave to righteousness. I cannot tell you how my heart swells up within me in gratitude because He has shown me what living really means and it's not just breathing in air or experiencing the ebbs and flows of physically existing and appreciating the world around us (although we do those things too and I appreciate them)...but that there truly is great joy in living life in such a way that we have a cause and that being to emulate Christ which brings contentment and peace despite our circumstances.

~The attimeister~

Eyes: Window to the Soul

We've all heard the old saying that "The eyes are the window to the soul" and I have always believed there to be some truth to that statement. I was reminded of that reality in a peculiar way yesterday and have been reflecting on it since.

We had been hearing on the news of this big snow advisory that we were gonna have yesterday starting around noon. So I decided to run all my errands early before the snow started. After making my way to all the various stores, I was walking to my car preparing to head home. As I was approaching my car I noticed an elderly gentleman walking toward the store, whose path I would soon be crossing.

As our eyes briefly met and I was forming the words to say hello, he turned his gaze away from me and in a split second I became aware that he was not interested in hellos or any sort of conversation at all. Thus, I also turned my gaze away and we walked past each other in silence.

A few things actually entered my mind as I got in my car and drove off toward home. I wondered how it is that we've come to a place and time in society that we close ourselves off from friendly interaction, if only for a moment in passing? I thought about how things have changed over the years of my life in relation to this issue. I wondered how it must have been living in different eras of history. Truth be told (and don't laugh because if you're anywhere near my age, you will know exactly what I'm talking about LOL) I thought about how television depicted a much friendlier and sociable time in The Little House on the Prairie. Everyone said hello in passing. Everyone smiled or greeted each other in those days.

I felt a pang of guilt because I didn't simply smile and say hello to this man anyway. And then I was brought back in memory to several extremely difficult times in my past where the mere hello, smile or positive comments of a stranger pierced through my rough exterior or the false strength I was attempting to portray when deep inside I was an emotional wreck. I learned the power that kindness, compassion and friendliness could have on a very troubled soul.

I remember one time probably nearly two decades ago, I was walking into a local grocery store and had just had a violent encounter with my (now) ex. I wasn't aware that the expression on my face revealed my inner emotional turmoil until a stranger looked me dead in my eye with a huge smile on his face and said "Smile, it can't be that bad." I remember smiling back at him halfheartedly while silently thinking that he couldn't possibly know.

A couple of years later I was in school (I attended adult ed for 4 years to obtain my diploma) one morning and took a break to go to the restroom. While washing my hands and preparing to go back to class, one of my teachers entered the restroom. It was a small ladies room and as she entered and said hello, her eyes met my eyes and she smiled and asked how I was doing. My eyes dropped and I could not look her in her eye and pretend. Her inquiry was innocent and I'm sure she was not prepared (nor was I) for the emotion it unleashed. That morning, just an hour or two prior our meeting, my ex furiously strangled me while laying on top of my 7 & 1/2 month pregnant belly. I don't know what stopped him. Perhaps it was the realization for him that I was loosing consciousness. It was for me though, all I could take. I finally came to the conclusion that I could not keep living the way I was and I ended our relationship.

As I considered those past events in my life I wondered if that is why we in our society so often turn away our glance when we are about to cross paths with others? Are we hiding our pain? Our fear? Our hurt? Are we so weak that we run from any minute threat of vulnerability to transparency? These are certainly possibilities. Everyone's story is different. Each of us struggle with difficulties in life. We all experience pain and suffering, fear and doubt....and we all try to hide the fact that we do...until someone looks into the window of our soul.