Numb and Depleted...Lord Replenish Me!

It's been a very difficult few weeks lately. Family emergencies, the death of my son's uncle, having company in town, back problems flaring up.... all have taken much of my time and energy and I'm feeling desperately depleted....even numb to some degree. And for anyone who knows me, that is not normal. I usually wear my heart on my sleeve (a blessing and a curse!) and will cry at a good Hallmark commercial. But lately I haven't been able to cry. It's not that I don't feel or experience emotion because I do. I just don't fully know why it's been this way.

I know I have been so busy that I haven't had much time for my spiritual needs and thus they have taken a back seat to the cares of the world. I do think that is probably the biggest reason for me feeling as I do. I also think that I have spent so much of the last 2 years taking care of everyone else's needs that I haven't had any time to really take care of my own. On occasion yes, but sometimes I'm bombarded with everyone else's problems and in the midst of that, God has guided me to do for others while He has taken care of mine (praise God!).

It's not that I don't desire to help others. I do. I take seriously Jesus' call to love God and love others as ourselves. And I strive to live my life with that attitude. Not only in thought but in action. I suppose I feel that I'm rarely if ever, replenished by other humans. And I know that in the grand scheme of things, that is not at all very important. So why does it affect me? I know that I have the greatest kind of love known to mankind given to me freely by the Creator of the Universe! Why is that sometimes not enough? I don't know the answers to that question. I suppose I'm lonely. I desire to be loved by my family, friends, even still desire to have the love of a man. It may be that I understand that we were not created to be alone but that we were designed to live in loving community and in commune with God and others. Yet my family is not that.

Yes, I am very grateful for my relationship with God and with those close friends in faith that I can experience that kind of relationship with. But it is not something I'm surrounded with. I know that I was in a place of isolation so that I could learn to lean on Him through anything and everything. I am certain that it's no different today...although I'm not as isolated as I once was.

May my Lord and my God teach me to live in constant communion with Him and may I become fully aware of His love and be joyful for that is such a great blessing. Lord, replenish me and open my eyes to see that where I feel I lack, you stand in the gap. Amen!

And wouldn't you know, now the tears come. :)