Since about a week after my surgery, I have kinda kept God at arm's length. I wept in repentance the other night as I poured out my heart to Him. And I just started seeing my counselor again so I was able to discuss it with her and gain some insight as to why.
Much of our meeting was simply being transparent and honest with myself about my feelings and emotions as well as my discontentment (strong word I know!) with my circumstances and ultimately with God which have left me feeling numb lately.
Something she said, resonated deep within me and so I'll share it here in my blog.
Basically she said, whenever we're feeling discontent or restless in life and we try to fill that with other "things" that simply don't satisfy, it's because we all have a deep yearning that can only be filled by God. And when we go to Him instead of other things He will fill us. She said that discontentment is meant to drive us to God (something I have not allowed in my life the last few months) so that we can be filled. Then once He fills us we will eventually at some point and time begin to feel discontent again...that our discomfort is God's way of not allowing us to be too comfortable in our lives...because then we forget Him. So we go through these cycles of contentment, discontent then contentment once again so that we grow as people of God.
For me it was a lightbulb moment...and something I desperately needed to hear as I have attempted to fill that longing with other things....even reading scripture (which normally is the right thing to do), chatting in Christian chat rooms, watching tv..or even in looking for intimacy in my friendships (not that it is wrong normally). What I needed was more God. I knew it then but was unwilling to seek Him because it would mean allowing myself to feel the emotions I didn't want to feel....fear, anger, etc. Interestingly enough, that is exactly what service was about on Sunday. That if we want the promises of God, we have to be willing to let go of the fear of the unknown and fight to get to the promised land.
One last thing ...at East campus, the leaders for the middle and high school ministries taught the message (they were amazing!) and Dave Kubiak (sp?) said this which I found very convicting (in God's ever gentle ways!)....
"Even though God makes our path straight, we still have to walk it!"
I know I didn't quote him perfectly but that is the gist of it. And he used the example (Numbers 13) of the Israelites when they got to the Jordon river and could see the promised land and were eager and excited "but" when they seen the giants there, they wanted to turn back to the bondage of Egypt because it was easier than facing the unknown.
It really was a fantastic sermon and one I hope not to soon forget. It deeply impacted me Sunday and I'm still pondering it today. We have wonderful men and women of God who teach with an uncanny ability to speak into our hearts the very things we need to hear. Praise God!
One last thing ...at East campus, the leaders for the middle and high school ministries taught the message (they were amazing!) and Dave Kubiak (sp?) said this which I found very convicting (in God's ever gentle ways!)....
"Even though God makes our path straight, we still have to walk it!"
I know I didn't quote him perfectly but that is the gist of it. And he used the example (Numbers 13) of the Israelites when they got to the Jordon river and could see the promised land and were eager and excited "but" when they seen the giants there, they wanted to turn back to the bondage of Egypt because it was easier than facing the unknown.
It really was a fantastic sermon and one I hope not to soon forget. It deeply impacted me Sunday and I'm still pondering it today. We have wonderful men and women of God who teach with an uncanny ability to speak into our hearts the very things we need to hear. Praise God!
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