Be careful what you ask for...

You know I've always heard that phrase and have taken it quite seriously. I sometimes wonder if others do though. Matter of fact I have to think that sometimes people just simply don't want the answers.

Case in point:

My ex called me the other night out of the blue for advice...from me. From me? He has never done that, ever. We have not been on good terms ...well, ever really. I don't hold any ill will toward him. I've forgiven him. I feel little more than indifference to him, truth be told. I have tried my best to be kind and civil to him over the 14 years we've been apart. I've been a Christian for the last 7 & 1/2 of those. So I do know that loving him has far greater restorative power than the indifference that my flesh caters to.

It came as a complete shock that he would call me and ask for my insight and honest opinion about "why his life is so messed up." He pressed me for answers after I warned him that he was not going to like my response. Not because I would be rude or disrespectful but because I was going to be honest. And that, I was. I attempted to answer his questions with honesty and love because I do believe in the importance of sharing the truth in love. Nevertheless, he was not at all eager to hear the answers I gave him. He got very upset, angry, defensive and verbally abusive (our relationship was one of abuse both emotional and violently physical) so I ended the call abruptly by hanging up. Perhaps not the greatest ending to the call but I was so caught off guard that I didn't know what else to do.

So, I was contemplating our conversation last night going over it again and again in my mind. And I was feeling a bit down. Truthfully, because I had the notion in my mind that an opportunity for good to happen had been wasted. I shared my situation with a friend and they gave me a new perspective to consider....that just maybe the seed was planted that could start to have a positive affect.

I don't know if that's the case. I may never. But I know that I'm not going to think the worst about the situation because love never fails. Sometimes, it hurts. Sometimes, it isn't what we want to hear. Sometimes, it looks a bit harsh. But when we have the right motivation (in this case, one of redemption) of heart, I think that good can come of it, even if we can't see it with our physical eyes. I trust that God will use something I said to reach into James' heart and speak to him there.

And I pray that He would help me to learn to love better, even those that don't deserve my love, just as I have not deserved His. And may it always be the desire of my heart to work toward redemption in every situation I find myself in. May that be made evident in the words I speak and the actions I take so that God would be glorified.

~attimeister~