Teachable Moments

As I drove down the road to the grandkids' birthday party this afternoon, I recognized a minor incident that had just taken place, as a teachable moment.

You know how as parents we often find moments where we can teach our children about life, about growing up, about all sorts of things? I've often done this with with my own kids. I believe those moments to be special, perhaps, even inspired in some way.

I stopped at the gas station (so I didn't run out of gas, that wouldn't be good!) and while my brother went to pay and pump the gas for me, I noticed some sort of bug flying around in the car. I didn't recognize it as a bee but I didn't get a great look at it either so I don't really know what it was. Next thing I know I felt it sting me in the neck. And, it hurt like heck!

Whatever it was, didn't stick around after it stung me. Nevertheless, it left it's mark. You could see the prick mark and it immediately started swelling. We carried on toward the party at the park and God spoke to my heart. I wasn't expecting Him to especially in this of all things!

He said to me that sometimes we don't see the sting coming so we aren't prepared for it when it hits. It attacks and we never even see it leave but the effects of it's sting can be very real and tangible. It hurts. It stings. It burns. It swells. It's uncomfortable. And once we feel it's venom, we realize the damage it's done.

The correlation between an unexpected sting of a pest and the unforeseeable sting of sin, are similar. Sometimes others attack us and we suffer the hurt. Sometimes, we do it to ourselves or to others and the pain remains, real.

But though the unexpected sting from a bug is painful, if not life threatening, we carry on undisturbed for the most part. Perhaps in some discomfort but not enough to run to the ER. The symptoms fade over time and we learn to adapt until eventually all symptoms are gone.

My neck is still slightly swollen, it's red and irritated, itchy, painful, etc. but the effects will most likely be gone by tomorrow. God who is our Balm of Gilead, treats our sting and removes the pain we experienced from it.

My Father loves me so much that He uses something as simple as a bug sting as a teachable moment in my life. Shows me that I am much like Him in ways that aren't merely anthropomorphic. I am very thankful.

I do have more thoughts but I'm too tired to convey them at the moment. So, I'll save them for next time. :) ...

Love, Lock & Live

Love, Lock & Live. The 3 core values of my church....and they are challenging to say the least. Love God and love others. Lock Arms. And Live openhandedly.

Today's service was about the various motivations behind our giving, whether it be of our time, talents or treasures. We were invited to inspect our hearts and what motivates us to be generous. There are 3 incentives that typically influence us to give.

1. Giving out of duty.
2. Giving to get something back.
3. Giving out of love.

Giving out of duty is rooted in guilt and shame, which is what we often feel when we fail to give. It isn't motivated by a pure desire to do it for others, rather out of a sense of obligation to others.

As my pastor said, oftentimes when we pry open our fingers to live openhandedly toward others, we are hoping God will put something in our hand to replace it. And He may do that, but the motive there is not giving out of love but rather giving out of expectation.

While giving for either of these reasons is better then not giving at all...there is a far greater reason for giving of ourselves. Love. If we are motivated to give when there is no guilt, shame, obligation or expectation then we are free to give out of a pure care, concern, selflessness and love.

When we do so, we do reap treasures but they are spiritual. We die to self and live for God.

1 Timothy 6:17-19 As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.

I thank God today that I sit under the wonderful covering of an imperfect pastor who challenges us, while also being challenged himself. I thank God that His call to love Him and love others, causes us to be confronted with our deepest and worst enemy...ourselves. God, please change my heart so that I can take hold of that which is truly life.

Beauty For Ashes Journal

I've been through a lot recently and I am considering writing about some very painful things here in my blog as I examine my past abuse and wounds. A wonderful friend has helped me tremendously by offering great advice, a listening ear and by following God's instruction in guiding me to read Isaiah 61:1-3. We discussed in depth vs 3 and what those things that God said He was going to do in Zion meant, and how it applies to me today. I'm very thankful for him and for his compassionate heart. He knows who he is. :)

Isaiah 61:1-3 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion—to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.

If I will give God my mourning, He will exchange it for gladness. If I give God my heaviness/depression, He will give me the garment of praise so that, I can be rooted and grounded like a strong tree. I'm finding He is doing just that.

God has perfect timing and just about a week later, this book was recommended to me by a counselor I began seeing. She suggested that I keep a journal and write down any emotions, thoughts, physical reactions, etc. that I feel as I read. So if I get adventurous, I may decide to have a paper journal and an online journal recording those things.

I read the Introduction today and it sounds like it may be very beneficial to me in learning how to deal with past abuse. At the end of the introduction she did quote my favorite bible passage or what I've heard termed "life verse" which is "Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him."

I know this will be painful. I know I will cry. A lot. I know that it will be for my good. Jesus said that even the branches that bear fruit will be pruned, so that they can bear more fruit. I trust God to prune me with tenderness and love.

Defining Moments

My church just finished a great series called Defining Moments. They did this series last year also and it had a tremendous impact on my life, both times. Each of the pastors shared a personal testimony of a defining moment in their life. A moment that changed the trajectory of their lives.

You can listen to both series' here (dated 8/16-9/6, '09 and 7/11- 8/1, '10):

http://kensingtonchurch.org/messages/index.php

They surveyed some local folks on the street and asked them if they had had any defining moments or if they thought that everyone does have defining moments. Some said yes they had and yes they think everyone does. Others said they had but didn't think everyone does, etc. It was an interesting thing to see people's thoughts on the issue.

I believe we all have defining moments. Some may be larger than life. Some so seemingly insignificant that we may not even be aware that we have them. But I think we do. Things transpire in our world, we make difficult decisions, life happens and each of us are faced with making choices that affect the course of our future.

I believe I have lots of defining moments. Some pretty darn big ones. Some scary ones. Some happy ones. I write about some of them here, in my blog, to reflect on them. Sometimes I find great clarity in just allowing my fingers to unleash the flow of emotion and thoughts which encompass my heart at the time I experienced whatever event I'm describing. Whether a good or bad thing, I cannot say for I do not know. But I do it anyway.

In the very near future, I am going to be exploring some very deep, dark places from my past and I may write about them if I'm not too emotionally drained. As I explore those places, I will find a few things which have defined who I am today. I imagine it will be very painful but I absolutely feel it is necessary... and no doubt, these will be some moments which define who I will become.

What are some of your defining moments?

Till then ... peace.

In His Arms

Like an infant without knowledge or understanding in knowing how to express their needs, who cries out for someone/anyone to hear and answer and to be comforted..... I weep bitterly.

I fell asleep exhausted after having spent every ounce of energy, in tears of great agony and sorrow. Despair!

He holds me close even when I cannot utter words to seek for consolation and comfort. I lay in His arms and groan in pain, my heart longs to see the end of suffering. I cling to Him in my solitude.

Injustice reigns but for a moment. Tears eventually subside as He wipes them away and He turns our mourning into joy. I long for that day... I know it is coming.

Psalm 57

Calloused Heart

I briefly sat examining the hands which have seen a great deal of hard labor over the years. I touched and felt the ridges, cracks, hardness, desensitization, as well as the power and strength of the calloused hands.... and wondered exactly what harshness had they seen? What bumps, bruises, scrapes and pain had those hands experienced that brought them to the place of being able to see the visible effects?

Later I sat and contrasted my own hands with his. Hands that had not seen harshness, or much difficulty...hands that were soft, supple and undamaged by hard work. It was then that God taught me a spiritual lesson through tangible means. That though my callouses may not be as visible, they are just as real. And just as pronounced in some ways.

As I sit here typing, I recall many years ago when I had been hurt deeply and wounded greatly, in love. And I remember thinking that I never wanted to take another risk on love because it hurt so gloriously when it failed. But somehow (I didn't know then but I do now) I didn't allow those fears to hinder the thought that love could be true. That it was still possible.

My heart has been bumped, bruised, scraped, cut, bleeding, stepped on, crushed. It has seen great harshness and has wept bitterly but unlike the callouses on his hands, I'm not desensitized. My heart may still be fragile in some ways, but I still believe that all the pain, all the hurt was for a reason and that it's ok to still hope in love.

My heart knows a God who treats my wounds. He tenderly cleans them. He gently tends to my cuts, scrapes and brings healing. He loves me. And because He has shown me what true love looks like, I can begin to love Him and others as He loves me.

Lord, thank you for preventing my heart from hardening altogether. Thank you for keeping my heart soft enough to hope and for tearing away at any form of wall or barrier that has crept in over the years. Thank you for not allowing the callouses on my heart to prevent me from loving. Thank you for keeping me from being embittered. Father, where I fail in loving others as I should, please forgive me. Help me to love even those that aren't easy to love. The desire is there but I need your help.

And thank you for the spiritual revelation that you have given me, for the reminder that just like the hands that labor in various ways in the world...that each of us have been in painful places and our circumstances have caused callouses of the heart that you indeed, can heal.

Amen!

Who Am I?

Tear stained cheeks were the first thing she noticed as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. She stood searching for quite some time, the image that she recognized, yet didn't. She examined the face, the tears, the soul of the individual who gazed back at her.

She searched the eyes of that individual for clues. Clues that would help her understand. Clues that would identify who she was. But nothing. Sure, she recognized the shell, the body although it was quite disfigured. She knew she was a daughter, a sister, a mother, a friend, a lover, a woman.....but she she didn't yet know herself.

So she asked the woman in the mirror, "Who are you?" No reply came. The hurt that was deep within escaped through more tears, confusion. anger and even hopelessness as she realized that all the convictions that defined her up to that point, were evading her now. She didn't know who the person looking back at her was because that person was living through and coping with things, she never imagined or knew how to break free from. Her face manifested the pain deep within as she wept ...her face distorted from the grief.

She seen the bruises, the swelling, the black eyes, the cuts, the evidence that the body had taken blows that it shouldn't. But that didn't affect her nearly as much as the thought of being lost forever. The thought of dying seemed comforting as it would end the search for answers and would bring freedom.

In her numbness, confusion, pain and suffering....she turned from the reflection in the mirror and pressed on into life, not knowing how things would go...but knowing that they must. That life carries on. It was then that she started to understand that the outside does not dictate who she is on the inside, in the heart and soul of our being. Rather we dictate who we are and she was ready to learn who she could be.

And her journey began.....