Melancholy

Been listening to some very melancholy music by Michael Jackson this evening and weeping.

Earth Song
Man In The Mirror
Cry
Heal The World

Wishing there was more I could do to heal the world. I'm sad. Thinking back a few weeks/months and reflecting as I type....the suffering I am aware of in the world even as I read, What Does God Expect Of Us? The Hole in Our Gospel and how reading that book affected me greatly. And how little I can do to change anything.

I don't have practical solutions to the world's problems or the suffering that takes place every day. But I do desire to be actively involved in doing something to alleviate it. As an encourager, I suppose I'm feeling very inadequate to accomplish anything to help... and my heart is aching over that.

Our world is hurting. We are broken individuals. I, am broken. You, are broken. God is the only Solution that can truly transform anything or anyone. Without Him, we are absolutely helpless to make a difference. God help us! Help me! Help me not to be indifferent or selfish or to turn a blind eye to suffering....but Lord, please help me to know my limitations as well as my potential and help me to "do", not just "feel". Feeling doesn't help. Doing does.

~Broken~

Words That Have Meaning!

Words....letters on a piece of paper, sentences that we construct, and various other forms of communication that convey the things we think and feel about numerous topics. 

I'm sitting here considering some amazing conversations I've had recently with my friend Mike, and just how important words are. I can be a very analytical woman when attempting to understand other people's usage of words, and as well as my own. 

I'm not the most educated woman in the English language but I do have a great desire to communicate effectively. Sometimes that is difficult because of differing tongues, dialects, definitions of words and applications to name a few reasons. It's easy to misunderstand and be misunderstood.

I remember recently during the Tear it Down series at my church. A profound point my pastor made about the process of tearing down walls is that we should  "seek to understand before we seek to be understood." That was an excellent point that I'm taking to heart. 

I'd like to, in brief, contrast two situations that occurred recently in my life where communication failed. One was this past week when I attempted to talk with Asia about some things that we need to work on in our relationship. I tend to get very frustrated with my kids sometimes, because quite frankly, they hear the words that I'm saying and interpret them so differently than I'm meaning them. And I bet they would say that I do the same.

I wonder sometimes if it is simply because we lack the patience to listen to the person's intent and so we impose our own intent upon their words? Now lest I be misunderstood, I think we all fail to find the words to adequately express exactly what's going on inside of our hearts and minds from time to time. Plus,  some people are just better orators than others. And some like me, are just being loquacious. LOL!

Back to my examples...   during my conversation with Asia, I realized that she was misinterpreting my words because she would tell me that I was saying things that were nowhere close to what I was saying. And I do try to be pretty concise with my words. Whenever I would attempt to clarify she would once again tell me that I was saying something other than what I meant. It may have been a failure on my part that I need to work on, and I intend to!

Another conversation was with a friend where we are just beginning to learn each other so we don't have the history behind us to really know how the other thinks and expresses their thoughts yet, so there is a lot of room for miscommunication still. And miscommunication we had! I think we both walked away from that dialogue feeling a bit misunderstood and disappointed. Inevitably that happens when communication breaks down.

In both of these instances, for whatever reasons, each of us walked away hurt, disappointed, rejected or whatever. And I have no doubt none of us would have foreseen that or desired that. And even after the fact, I doubt that any of us are content with that.

The scriptures tell us that our words have the ability to kill and destroy or to create life. Words are so much more than just letters on a page or sounds that we utter. They do indeed convey our deepest innermost thoughts and feelings on subjects but they are Oh so much more than that!

Today I had the wonderful opportunity to try again to have a conversation with my friend and to find understanding between us. And thankfully, I believe we have done that. We found life in our words and I'm thrilled about that. I thank God for that.

Unfortunately, I sense that it is going to take much more effort and time, expression and listening skills for Asia and I to find a mutual understanding. But it is my prayer that our interactions would never leave us dead inside....lifeless. And I know that God cares about these things so I expect them to change.

May we all endeavor to be slow to speak a quick to listen (James 1:19) so that we don't become angry and sin in our anger. 

Love and blessings,

~Linda~

Kinda Quiet

I've been kinda quiet lately while I recuperate from my surgery. It went very well and I'm actually feeling great! I'm still unable to bear any weight on my foot and that will be the case for a few more weeks. That's expected. 


In the meantime, I've been spending a good portion of my time, reading and studying the scriptures. Some of the time I've spent watching tv, chatting, talking on the phone. Life can get pretty lonely when you can't get out and live it. So I've been reflecting a lot on that lately. I want to be able to live life to it's fullest. 


Now, by no means does that look like sky diving, bungee jumping, becoming a famous musician (though I have always wished I could sing), or anything out of the ordinary. Afterall, I am in my 40's, heh! But what does it mean, practically? What did Jesus mean when he uttered these words? 


John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.


I'm no biblical scholar but I do think his words had something to do with having a deep and abiding love for God and for others and the rich rewards that living out one's faith, brings. I think he taught in other places that to do for others, to serve others and to live selflessly gave believers a tremendous sense of purpose. And I'm ready to really jump into life with both feet (pun intended) and see where God takes me. To meet the people that He wants me to serve and to live life to the fullest.


~The Attimeister~

Uprooted

We all know what it's like to have someone uprooted from our lives. The pain, the confusion, the instability. Over the last year and a half, I've had several people uprooted from my life. Some of them due to their own actions and others, simply because people are busy beings (myself included).


I don't like it when it happens. Relationships I had hoped would forge lifelong friendships kinda vanish and fade into the distant corners of our  memories. Is it painful? You bet! It hurts like hell...especially for someone like me whose love language is Quality Time (yes that came a pretty large surprise to me though it does make sense). 


For me, pouring into relationships means everything. And even as I listened to a sermon earlier on relationships focused on singles called "Solo Mojo" (ROFL, gotta love Greg Boyd) I stood in agreement with Boyd on the fact that we as humans are not meant to live life alone. We are meant to live in relationship with others though those relationships will never completely fill us. They weren't designed to. We were designed to be completely filled by God.


Does that mean that our relationships with other humans can't be rewarding? Of course not! One point he made that surprised me a bit was how in the historical and cultural past,  friendly relationships inherently provided great intimacy though not erotic intimacy. It wasn't uncommon (and still isn't in some places) to find people highly affectionate without being sexual.


I've always longed for deep intimacy (as well as the other) with the men I've loved. I've even yearned for that intimacy within non romantic relationships. Sometimes I've found it. And it seems that lately, God is pulling people back from being too close to my heart. I don't fully understand that. I do think it means that He is going to guide me in a new direction and I am excited to see where that is and where it leads.


In the meantime, it's lonely but God is filling me. It is my prayer that God will fill my love tank so that it runs over and I can pour it out into others...even when it's not reciprocated. It is also my prayer that for those whom God has uprooted from my life, that they would also find great peace and comfort in the God who truly knows what is best for us. I love you and remember you fondly.


~Peace~

Good News/Bad News

Why should it surprise us that we should find good people doing good things in the world? I dunno. But I've been asking myself that question a few times recently as it's become a recurring theme (I don't believe coincidentally) that I keep seeing lately.


Last week when talking with my sister-in-law about a very generous gift that my brother and his family received from a member of their church, I uttered something to the effect of "You see, there still are good people left in the world!" to my sister-in-law. 


Yesterday when walking out of the grocery store, I was surprised to hear an elderly woman speak those same words to someone else. Someone who appeared to be a stranger to her. And I was reminded of my own conversation the week before. As I considered those words, it struck me that it shouldn't be such a surprise to see people doing good deeds in the world around us. 


Even as I type this blog entry, I'm reminded of several conversations recently that I've had with various friends regarding not being able to watch the news for all the negativity. Why does all the bad news get top spot? I watched a news program one day and out of at least half an hour there were 2 events that I could categorize as good and/or positive. One of them being the weather forecast for that day.


So why is it that we (speaking of myself here too) that we are inundated with stories of hatred, crime, futility? Why do we rarely focus on the things that are praiseworthy, lovely, of good report? Is it easier to think that the world around us is so bad that it's a rare occasion to see or hear of there "still being good people in the world?"


I consider my own thought patterns and realize that, yes it is. The truth is, there have been and always will be good people left in the world, even in the midst of all the turmoil and suffering. I for one, intend to remain focused (at least in theory) on the things that are worthy of proclaiming that are good. The things that are worth repeating and praising God for even as this Thanksgiving holiday approaches. And I do have much to be thankful for. Praise God!


~Linda~

Loneliness

You visit me like an insatiable lover with fervent hunger.

I, in turn, receive you with eager anticipation.

You ravish me so thoroughly so that I may think of no other.

Our rhythmic motions hold my body captive to yours in passionate unison....

until the cacophony of my mind is once more reminded of your bitter and deceptive face.

You're not welcome to enter into my bedchamber. I see you, for who you are. 

Tears

Cold, wet, trickling; flowing like the rivers' edge.

Warm, salty, harsh; flooding the cheeks of a battered face.

Joyful, sweet, powerful; bringing healing to a broken heart.

Each birthing a burden of necessary affliction which springs forth hope that good will come from evil.

Bittersweet, tears. In which there is life!